Sunday, February 15, 2009

Animal Lecture

Animal, of Muppets fame, was born to two purple aliens on April 4, 1746 in Outer Space.

He grew up on the right side of the sun in a small cottage with his sister, Matilda. The region of the sun where Animal is from is known for its plentiful vegetation. It is known that Animal grew up eating many different kinds of vegetables.

Neighbors in the region have said that Animal was a very quiet child.

Matilda and he were very musical and taught each other the drums. Animal’s drum talents were first discovered in 1883 when Jim Henson was passing over the right side of the sun.

Jim Henson brought Animal back to the US shortly after discovering him and set him to work as one of his Muppets.

In 1902, in a fit of Mania, Animal killed three small children in the US while they were sleeping. Some have said, he did so by lethal injection.

Shortly thereafter, Animal was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and put on medications. He did not serve jail time, because there is no known jail for muppets.

In 1956, Animal served time in the Swedish army. It is said he fell in love while in the army with a man named Dan.

In 1985, Animal did some touring of his comedy act in the Midwest.

This is how I met Animal.

As a child, I had a viewfinder and on one of the slides was Animal.

When I first saw this slide, I wasn’t afraid of Animal, I laughed at his funny face. I didn’t know Animal was real.

Animal first came out of the viewfinder and into reality in 1986. I saw him first in the corner of the room. He was smiling. It was a strange smile.

On that first meeting, he came up to me and was very nice to me. He told me stories about his hometown. I trusted Animal.

The next few days after our first meeting were very pleasant. He came to my room every morning, sometimes entering from the ceiling, sometimes from the window. Sometimes he would just jump out of the viewfinder as I was looking at him. I always kept cookies on hand for him to eat cause Animal is always hungry.

Our relationship changed on one night.

I was dreaming of a beach and running along the beach with a dog. I was 8 years old and my dreams were innocent.

In my dream, Animal showed up and was running with me. We played in the sea foam for many hours of the dream.

In the distance there was a small silver object coming at us in the water. I tried not to pay attention. Animal caught sight of it and could not stop looking.

As it grew closer, I realized it was no more than a scrap piece of metal. It was sort of large, around six feet, but I would hardly say it was noteworthy.

All of a sudden, Animal jumped in the water after the scrap metal. Fearing for his life (for I did not know how well he could swim), I jumped in after him.

I felt a sharp pain in my right side and the ocean got very black. There were stars everywhere. I woke up.

I was in my bed and Animal was standing over me. He had a syringe and was smiling wildly.

No!, I said, but it was no use. Animal and I were already soaring through Outer Space.

They have things on the right side of the sun that you cannot imagine. I don’t think you can imagine how beautiful plants can get when they can always sit in the continuous glare of the sun.

I am here today to tell you that Animal is good, but evil. I am here to tell you Animal is very evil.

Frank Oz in 1994 said that Animal is the Id. He is the Id.

Mic Fleetwood is a man who was made in the image of Animal. When you hear his music be very scared of him.

In honor of my time with Animal, I made the following tribute movie for him.

Please enjoy the movie.

The Right Side of the Sun from Dorothea Lasky on Vimeo.


Matt said...

Buddy Rich! Haha!

Dorothea Lasky said...

Here to please :)

Matthew Zapruder said...

the movie is terrifying and beautiful. and I love the essay. thank you for reporting back. love mjz

Dorothea Lasky said...

Thanks, Matthew!

It was a harrowing and horrible journey up until this point in the shadow of Animal. Now I can just have the necessary respect.

Hope you are well in the warmth of your state!

Love, Dottie

Kathryn said...

wow, i loved this.

Dorothea Lasky said...

I'm so glad!