Monday, December 10, 2007

Shea Butter

When Laura came over smiling yesterday, saying "I have a present for you!" I was confused as I didn't see an iPhone or some grapes in her hand (since those are two things I always want). I was still confused as she brought out of her bag what looked to be a tub of rancid hummus (is that possible?). I was PISSED when she opened the tub of rancid hummus and tried to smear it all over my hands. "It's Shea Butter," she said, "It's a cure-all." All I could say at first was, "What the hell is that?" Then I grumpily put it on my hands, face, hair, and dog's head as she instructed.

I didn't believe that Shea Butter was a cure-all until I tried it. But in just a few hours after applying it, my skin and hair have never been so soft and healthy. You really should try it. Winter is fast approaching. It is already here really. You might not have a giant live grizzly bear to keep your warm during these cold months (who does these days, really?), but for a few dollars you can have a pound of Shea Butter. Not everyone out there cares about having soft and healthy skin and hair, but I think you do. This is not a commercial. This is me telling the world that I was wrong and me trying to make it right. Laura, I was wrong and you were right (like always). I was wrong, but now I am right. Softly right, which is the best kind.

Listen, just buy some Shea Butter already.

If I can't make it to the grocery store today, I might try to eat it. I doubt it could be bad for the digestive system.


Mick said...

I love that shit.

Julia Cohen said...

I am afraid to buy things to put on my body that smell like they belong in my mouth. Because I might eat it, like all items in The Body Shop. Does shea butter smell nice?

Matt said...

This isn't the same thing they put on popcorn at Mets games, is it?

Mick said...

Pure shea butter (which the body shop doesn't sell) doesn't smell like much of anything, but you can probably feel free to eat it anyway.

Dorothea Lasky said...

I didn't eat it.

I did put some in my mouth and it sort of tasted like a worm. Don't ask how I...

I think it could be good on popcorn, however.

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